Burning It Down...

Sometimes I want to burn it all down.

Not my family. Not my life.

Just the noise.

The things.

The pressure. The clutter.

I look around at what’s near me — and with five kids, it’s almost always something.A mess. A need. A pile. A moment.

But the wild truth?  It’s not them. It’s me.

It’s my clutter.

My stuff.

My mental load.

It’s the corner of my nightstand I keep saying I’ll clean off.

It’s the 14 open tabs in my brain.

It’s the pile of papers, unopened packages, the laundry I rewash because I forgot it was in there.

And then one of my kids leaves two things out — two small things —and I snap.

But I’m not really mad at them.  I’m projecting.

Because it’s me I’m disappointed in.

Me I’m overwhelmed by.

Me I’m trying to manage.

And in those moments…I feel like the most selfish, unhinged, ungrateful woman alive.

But I know I’m not.

This isn’t about a lack of gratitude. It’s about drowning in abundance I never asked for in this form. It’s about being buried under the life I worked so hard to build — and still wondering, why do I feel like I can’t breathe in it?

Some days, I want space more than stuff.

Silence more than solutions.

Fewer choices. Fewer obligations. Fewer reminders that I am the one who holds it all together.

And it’s not because I’m unhappy.

It’s because I’m full.

Too full.

I want to be held without being held responsible.

I want to exhale without earning it.

I want to want less — not because I’m fragile — but because I’m finally brave enough to ask for peace.

If you’re there too…If the weight of your own life is what’s making you tired — not your people, not your home, but your internal, silent expectations?

Let me say this:

You are not crazy.

You are not ungrateful.

You are not selfish.

You are overstimulated.

You are sensitive.

You are sacred.

And you are allowed to want less.

To clear space.

To breathe deeper.

To let go of what no longer serves you —even if you once fought to have it.

Sometimes the burn isn’t destruction.It’s sacred.It’s cleansing.It’s a reminder that what you really want isn’t perfection — it’s presence.

And maybe, just maybe…

the clutter isn’t the problem.

The pressure to carry it all alone is.